A Painful Lesson

Today I had a very painful lesson that was totally unexpected. Yesterday the medical staff at the shelter helped Sam (known as Magnum at the shelter) cross the Rainbow Bridge. My friend is gone.

This is part of the message I received:

Magnum was out for a potty break this morning and laid down for the last time, he looked up at Karen and Lani and let them know he was tired and in pain. He has been on pain meds, joint meds, skin care treatment and has been under constant supervision by kennel, treatment and volunteers. However, he lost his will to fight for his life.

This post won't have a lot of beautiful pictures of Sam but will contain my thoughts and some memories. The picture at the top says it all. I'm not holding back so if "graphic" upsets you - stop now. Take a look at his picture and remember him that way.

For myself, I continue.

I remember talking with the Foster Home Coordinator one evening after an adoption event. She told me of this boy that was brought in from the Indian Reservation severely wounded and with a maggot infestation. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. At the time she had hoped to foster him and I asked how soon I could start working with him.

Things changed and she had to foster another but I started working with Sam on my next visit. I was shocked at what I saw. I saw an old dog with wounds covering his entire back, throat and inside his legs. Some so severe they just hung in open pockets. You know what else I saw? I saw a very trusting and loving soul looking back at me with eyes full of hope.

My first thought was "where can I touch him?" I'd spread out my customary sheet in the cool conference room with just natural light. I sat down and Sam laid down and put his head in my lap. From there I found a spot on his body that wasn't too bad (all things considered) and began doing touches a few inches above his body. When I found a spot that didn't have a wound I did very light touches.

Sam just laid in my lap looking at me while I worked on him. My horror melted into love and compassion. I wanted to help this boy become whole again.

When the session was over I was stunned to see I had "pieces of Sam" all over me and the blanket. This poor boy was falling apart right in front of me.

The next day I called upon my TTouch friends to do "distance work" with him. This is one of those things that is difficult to comprehend for many, myself included. But I tried. I put out a call for those that wanted to help me to join in. Many did.

When I saw him 3 days later he was so much better! His wounds were healing. The more superficial ones were closed and others were filling in.

I met Sam a minimum of twice a week and watched him improve every time. The above photo was taken one month to the day from when he came to us.

We will never know exactly what happened to him but because he has no upper or lower front teeth, was ripped to shreds and found in a dump at the Indian Reservation it is quite possible he was a bait dog used for fight training. How anyone could have done this to such a beautiful being is beyond me. I don't know how they sleep at night. I really hope they don't.

So Sam is gone and I'm really quite surprised. I saw him Wednesday and had a great visit and got some nice photos of him. None look sad. None of them look like he was done. I don't understand.

Much of my day was spent behind closed doors at work crying and working. I've had the nicest comments of support from friends and family. I won't lie - my heart is bursting. I'm grateful for the time spent with him and the lessons learned. I know he died knowing love. I really wanted him to be someones dog. To have his own home and hang out on the couch watching TV with someone that loved him. Sam deserved that.

I truly believe my calling with TTouch is with medical dogs and particularly hospice work. As much as I was able to help Sam he also helped me. Sam is teaching me what the pain is like when you lose a dog you have poured everything you have into. He is the first but he will not be the last.

I wanted him to be someones dog so bad.......To me, he was my dog.

Rest well my beloved friend. I miss you so bad already.