A Painful Lesson

Today I had a very painful lesson that was totally unexpected. Yesterday the medical staff at the shelter helped Sam (known as Magnum at the shelter) cross the Rainbow Bridge. My friend is gone.

This is part of the message I received:

Magnum was out for a potty break this morning and laid down for the last time, he looked up at Karen and Lani and let them know he was tired and in pain. He has been on pain meds, joint meds, skin care treatment and has been under constant supervision by kennel, treatment and volunteers. However, he lost his will to fight for his life.

This post won't have a lot of beautiful pictures of Sam but will contain my thoughts and some memories. The picture at the top says it all. I'm not holding back so if "graphic" upsets you - stop now. Take a look at his picture and remember him that way.

For myself, I continue.

I remember talking with the Foster Home Coordinator one evening after an adoption event. She told me of this boy that was brought in from the Indian Reservation severely wounded and with a maggot infestation. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. At the time she had hoped to foster him and I asked how soon I could start working with him.

Things changed and she had to foster another but I started working with Sam on my next visit. I was shocked at what I saw. I saw an old dog with wounds covering his entire back, throat and inside his legs. Some so severe they just hung in open pockets. You know what else I saw? I saw a very trusting and loving soul looking back at me with eyes full of hope.

My first thought was "where can I touch him?" I'd spread out my customary sheet in the cool conference room with just natural light. I sat down and Sam laid down and put his head in my lap. From there I found a spot on his body that wasn't too bad (all things considered) and began doing touches a few inches above his body. When I found a spot that didn't have a wound I did very light touches.

Sam just laid in my lap looking at me while I worked on him. My horror melted into love and compassion. I wanted to help this boy become whole again.

When the session was over I was stunned to see I had "pieces of Sam" all over me and the blanket. This poor boy was falling apart right in front of me.

The next day I called upon my TTouch friends to do "distance work" with him. This is one of those things that is difficult to comprehend for many, myself included. But I tried. I put out a call for those that wanted to help me to join in. Many did.

When I saw him 3 days later he was so much better! His wounds were healing. The more superficial ones were closed and others were filling in.

I met Sam a minimum of twice a week and watched him improve every time. The above photo was taken one month to the day from when he came to us.

We will never know exactly what happened to him but because he has no upper or lower front teeth, was ripped to shreds and found in a dump at the Indian Reservation it is quite possible he was a bait dog used for fight training. How anyone could have done this to such a beautiful being is beyond me. I don't know how they sleep at night. I really hope they don't.

So Sam is gone and I'm really quite surprised. I saw him Wednesday and had a great visit and got some nice photos of him. None look sad. None of them look like he was done. I don't understand.

Much of my day was spent behind closed doors at work crying and working. I've had the nicest comments of support from friends and family. I won't lie - my heart is bursting. I'm grateful for the time spent with him and the lessons learned. I know he died knowing love. I really wanted him to be someones dog. To have his own home and hang out on the couch watching TV with someone that loved him. Sam deserved that.

I truly believe my calling with TTouch is with medical dogs and particularly hospice work. As much as I was able to help Sam he also helped me. Sam is teaching me what the pain is like when you lose a dog you have poured everything you have into. He is the first but he will not be the last.

I wanted him to be someones dog so bad.......To me, he was my dog.

Rest well my beloved friend. I miss you so bad already.

Good-Bye for Now

Wednesday was my last night at the shelter for a bit. It is time to focus on getting ready for my trip to North Carolina where I'll be taking my 3rd round of classes~ I'm amazed to think I'm almost at the 1/2 way point! Then when I get back I'm having shoulder surgery and the necessary down time associated with that.

So, Wednesday I wanted to spend time with my extra special ones and say "Good Bye" and enjoy some quality time with them. My hope is that when I return in about 5 weeks they will be happy in a forever home. This may be the last time I see them.




First was My Alfie. Alfie and I sat outside and I told him how much he has taught me about trust. Alfie taught me that trust must be earned and isn't always offered freely.

He taught me that when trust is earned it is all the sweeter.




I don't know if Alfie will be there or not when I return. He is kept in the back and away from the public eye since he likes to "bounce" in his kennel. Such a shame because it is quite adorable when he bounces because he does it with joy and happiness all over his face. How could anyone resist?

Then I spent time with Sam (Magnum).


He has healed up so nicely and really needs to have a foster home.



The shelter is a tough place for a dog that was ripped to shreds by other dogs. Not a pleasant place at all. My hope and prayer for Sam is that he finds a foster home soon where he can work on his confidence and learn that not all dogs are out to hurt him.


I had intentions of visiting with my shy boy, Echo. But Echo was out on a nice walk with a volunteer. He knows he is loved and my guess is he will be in a home before I return.

After saying 'Bye' to Alfie and Sam I needed my heart lifted. What better way to lift the spirits that spend time with puppies?

These two are less than 2 months old and so full of their selves. I played with them in their Kennel and just enjoyed the wild abandon of two very silly pups.



I first met these two on Labor Day. To be honest I'm very surprised these puppies are still in the shelter. But even as babies Pit Bulls suffer from prejudice. Such a shame. A bigger shame is there are still folks breeding more and more Pit Bulls and the shelters are just filled to the brim.

It seems that regardless of how sweet the dogs is they take so much longer to adopt out.

It was time to walk through Adoptables and greet each dog by name. This is something I always do when I go in. "Hello Maggie, you are looking beautiful today", "How's my Dolly Lolly girl?", "Hey Petey has anyone told you how handsome you are yet today?".....and so it goes, kennel by kennel.

Then I looked in this one kennel and look what I saw!



I'm going to interject here.....again. PLEASE spay and neuter your pets!!! These Chihuahua mix puppies are 4 weeks old and were just spayed! OMG, they should still be with their Momma and here they are shaking and scared in a shelter with HUGE dogs all around barking and carrying on.



Of course I couldn't resist stopping and giving them love....and touches.



I wanted so badly to bring these two home with me.



The last thing we need is more dogs. I'm glad Marley is not accepting of all dogs as it keeps me grounded. Otherwise I'd have already adopted Duncan, Alfie & Pumpkin and most likely two little Chi' pups! Thank you Marley :-)



It was so difficult for me to leave. So much can change in 5 weeks. It almost felt like someone had sucked all the breath out of me as I closed the door to DA-1 and walked down the hall to go home....leaving my friends behind to find their way in the world.

Ponderings

Wednesday when I worked with Sam I decided to put a wrap on him for the first time. I did a 1/4 wrap with a 2" bandage. He tolerated it okay and I only left it on a short time. But while it was on I noticed trembling in his back right leg.....the one that had the worst injuries.

I also noticed his skin is more reactive now. I got some trembling in the skin in the hind quarters while working with him.

We set up our sheet and worked in the front lawn and I don't know if he was trembling because other dogs were around or if it was a sensitivity to his skin. Either way he would let out a low quite growl. Not threatening in any way and easily reassured.

We moved to an outdoor enclosure and I set up plastic chairs to form a circle around us to give him some privacy from the other dogs. He was happy with that.

Could the sensitivity in his skin be because the nerve endings are healing? I'd think the damage he sustained would have caused nerve damage and possibly he did not feel the extent of his pain in the beginning.

Sam is the most precious being and is so loving and trusting even with all he has been through. He is so fortunate to have wound up at Escondido Humane Society!

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And what blog posting would be complete without a cute picture? This is what Alfie wanted to do during his session. Me thinks I have competition for Alfie's affections!

Pumpkin & Alfie

Happy Labor Day!

Happy Labor Day!

This is a day to have fun and spend time grilling with friends. That is exactly what we did. Steve and I went to the shelter about 9:30 and began working with the dogs. While I did TTouch Steve walked and bathed dogs and did general clean up to the property.

My day started with Maggie.



She is an adorable Pit Bull girl that has some insecurity issues. Very sweet girl but reminds me of Alfie when I first started working with him. Maggie isn’t as frightened as Alfie was but will “Pancake” on you. I found that she also has a silly side.



Beverly is another Pit Bull girl that is very cautious in the beginning. She is very sweet and loving and wants to sit on your lap. Slow movements around Beverly are best until she is sure you won’t hurt her. It looks like she has either had lots of litters or at least one recently. Beverly won’t be having any more as she was just spayed.



I worked with Hershey the other night and at that time she appeared to be yet another timid Pit Bull girl. Either she has blossomed, the drugs from her spay wore off or she was just feeling really good! Hershey needed a TTouch wrap put on her if we were to get anything done today. She responded quite well to the wrap and I do believe Lavender is a great color on her.



Then there is “Sam”. He is now being called Magnum at the shelter but to so many others and me he will always be Sam. So “Sam” he will remain.



First I have to tell you that in just 3 weeks time he has had such a transformation that words cannot even express the difference.



Sam in an amazing boy that has been through God only knows what and yet he is full of love.



The worst wound of all was the one on the inside of his right back leg. This wound was an open, hanging pocket! You could see things you were not meant to see in a living dog. This wound was not stitched up for reasons not explained to me. Now there is about a ½” opening! All other wounds have healed!

Finally I got to help a tiny Pit Bull puppy. I don’t know the age, nor if it is a girl or boy. There is a litter of abandoned puppies looking for Foster Homes. They were brought out for volunteers to see in hopes of striking a heart string. This one little guy was shaking so hard. Of course it was impossible for me not to come to his aid.



Within a minute I told the young boy holding him that his trembling diminished. A few seconds later the boy told me the puppy wasn’t shaking at all. It made me smile.


I've noticed something and I'm not really sure how to describe it but I'm going to try. When I first started at the shelter I was focused on Elektra. She needed me more than anyone else and I promised her that if I only had time for one, it would be her.

Along came Alfie and he really needed help. I was able to help him but I was committed to Elektra - then she was adopted and it freed up more time to concentrate on Alfie and still help less needy dogs.

Alfie is still at the shelter awaiting his perfect home. I've noticed he really isn't needing me as much any more. What Alfie needs now he needs from another dog. In walk Pumpkin!


Pumpkin is teaching Alfie how to be a dog and how to play. They love each other and are the best of friends. Last Saturday Pumpkin was adopted. This week she was returned. I guess her work with Alfie was not complete. Or maybe I needed to be replaced with another girl to free up more time for Sam!


Isn't it kinda funny how this all works out?


And how was YOUR day?

Friends from the Shelter

I am honored and blessed to encounter so many special friends at the shelter. There have been so many in such a short time.

Today I worked with Dolly who has been there more than a year. What stands in the way of a sweet girl like Dolly getting adopted? I just don't get it. We took her to the Big Dog Adoption event and she didn't even get a 2nd look. But Dolly has many friends at the shelter and she is a happy girl. As my friend Kate always says......"There's a lid for every pot". I hope and pray we find Dolly's lid.

Dolly

Dolly tends to be very submissive and will even do submissive urination from time to time. I am careful not to do TTouch on her when she is on her back. I wait. Sometimes that means we don't get any touches in because as soon as I reach for her she rolls over on her back. Today was different. Today Dolly was all about her TTouch session and was very happy to play by my rules. :-)

After Dolly I had the opportunity to work with Natasha. She is a year old pit bull mix and as precious as they come.

Natasha

Her picture is a little funny because she just wanted to sit in my lap and get touches. I couldn't get far enough away from her to get a decent shot. We had a nice session. She had been barking and was unsettled in her crate. I worked on her and she relaxed. Such a funny peanut. Anytime I asked her to sit she would sit on my lap! Soon "medical" came for her as today was her "Spay Day". I was told someone was seriously looking at her yesterday. By the time I had gotten home she was no longer on the website. Looks like she has her new home. I'm happy she will not be a long-term resident like Dolly.

No shelter visit is complete without working on "My Alfie". He has been on my mind a lot this week. Maybe I feel our time is coming to an end soon. Alfie is one of those dogs, like Elektra and Duncan, that will always reside in my heart.

"My Alfie"

Buster is one of those dogs that really needs TTouch but I have trouble working with him. He is very wild and strong. 100% fool around. Because I'm not allowed to walk him, and I really don't want to, I worked with him in his out door enclosure. He isn't a bad dog....he is just a strong and unruly puppy. I tried my best but once again Buster got the better of me. Covered in mud from his jumping on me I gave up. What does one do with a boy like him? Must find out.

Buster

I was able to spend time with Sam today and was thrilled at how good his wounds are healing. His back is completely scabbed over and the hole has filled in. A week and a half ago we were looking at a huge infected hole left by a chunk of missing "Sam". The worst of the worst.....the inner back leg is also coming along nicely but obviously needs more time.

Soon he will be going into foster care. I'm not sure if the new foster home will welcome my assistance but it is offered.

Sam

Tomorrow I go talk to the surgeon about my upcoming shoulder surgery. I'm really torn about it because it needs to be done. If I'm to pursue working with dogs I need good arms to do it with. But the timing is just awful - I will be away from the shelter for quite some time while I heal and rehab. The other thing bothering me is the surgery interfering with my TTouch Training.

This time tomorrow I should have a better idea what is going to happen.

"Sam"

What an amazing experience I had today. I'm overwhelmed, really.

First, I'm bummed they are no longer calling him Sam. The name they have picked out for him is just awful and I plan to talk to his foster mom about changing it when she gets him. I tried today to get it stopped but no one saw it as a big deal. But to me he is still Sam.

Sam is a precious boy. I was very excited that they let me take him out of medical and do as I wished. Most of his wounds are "sealed" now. Healed enough that they have a light covering. However there are some that are very, very deep and wide.......or gaping open to the bone. (Sorry but you need to know that part to understand how I worked with him). I didn't want to work with him outside where I usually do because of the dirt & dust, other dogs that have eliminated on the grass, or risk any sunburn to his owies. I took him in a cool conference room with no lights and opened the outer door for a nice breeze.

I put out my pretty, freshly washed blue over sized beach towel and he laid right down. I was wondering how to get started as I sat down next to him. Before I even finished the thought he had cuddled up to me and put his head in my lap. I had my answer. I told him about my TTouch friends and that there are people all over the country and even in other countries that have been visiting him and working with him. I hoped it was okay that I gave them permission to do so. He just looked up at me with such soft and warm eyes.

I started with touches all over his head and face and the outside of his ears. I had to modify the ear slides as the inside of the ears are damaged. He allowed me to do snail tail and clouded leopards over the areas that had smaller, more healed, wounds. When I got to his back which looked very sore I did phantom abalone touches about 2" away from his body.........he actually shifted his position from time to time and provided access to other areas. For the wounds that were the worst of the worst I did the phantom raccoon touches around the edges from about 5" thinking the intensity from 2" may be too much.

We were together for about an hour. We did TTouch, talked, cuddled, more TTouch. Over and over again Sam showed me where he wanted the work. I've never seen such injuries in person before let alone touch anyone, or anything, in this condition. All I could see was the beauty of his face and his tender and gentle soul.

Please continue to keep Sam in your prayers and good thoughts. To those of you that have joined me in Project Sam, I appreciate you. Thanks to each and every one of you that helped me get a grasp on Phantom work. I really benefited from you sharing your experiences.

I hope Sam has made you feel just a little warmer and fuzzier today :-)

Phantom Touches

I admit the whole idea of Phantom Touches seemed foreign to me.

Being open minded to ALL of TTouch and its possibilities I posted to the Practitioners list and asked for stories that may help me grasp the concept. One comparison really hit home. Think of a radio signal. You have a transmitter and a receiver. There is nothing in between to carry the signal and yet it is picked up by the receiver.

Why the sudden interest in Phantom work?

Because there is a dog who needs TTouch that I cannot touch right now. He is injured and infected beyond comprehension. I cannot touch his body right now. I won't even meet him face to face until tomorrow.

Here is his story:

Sam (or at least that was his name on the website before they removed it) was called in from a local Indian Reservation. He stumbled into a pow wow and some kind soul called for help.

"Sam" has what appear to be knife wounds and gouges in much of his body. Some injuries are down to the bone and many through the muscle. He is horribly infected and had a maggot infestation.

A wonderful person at the shelter removed all the "visitors" and shaved his back and other areas. He is on strong antibiotics and healing.

The law says they can only use life saving measures because technically he is a lost dog that could be reclaimed. Ugh! So anyway I need to work on him and due to laws, injuries and risk of further infection I can't touch him.

In walk Phantom Touches.

I've worked on him today via this photo.



Tomorrow I'll see him and do touches over his body but not touching. I'll concentrate on my intention and picture him in his perfection. He will start to know my voice as I do toning and will learn my face and smell.

After the 5 days are up and he is eligible to go to foster care I'll work with him frequently. At this point I'll be able to touch the body as healing allows.

Please say prayers for "Sam", think good thoughts, and if you know how - please send some Phantom Touches.